Disclaimer

    For those who are unfamiliar with the concept of a hitchhiker’s guide, or who do not understand sarcasm, the primary purpose of this website is humor or parody. While the information here can and should be informative, it should also be taken with a rather large grain of salt.

    Should you find anything in this guide that you disagree with or in fact know to be false, please do remember the golden rule first laid out in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, “The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate.”

Guide Entries

95 Theses

On Halloween in 1517, a disgruntled Catholic monk named Martin Luther strolled up to the door of the Wittenberg Chapel and nailed what would become a historic document on the door. The document was his 95 Theses, a list of grievances against The Pope and The Catholic Church. This action spurred the Protestant Reformation and… read more »

Martin Luther

Not only did Martin Luther exhibit a boldness only seen once in a generation, he was also quite earthy. In terms of boldness, he stood up to the oppression and greed of his day, nailed 95 grievances against The Church on the door of Wittenberg Chapel in 1517 and stood firmly for his faith regardless… read more »

Pat Robertson

Pat Robertson sees God’s judgment behind every bush. This may be due to the fact that as a child, Robertson was taken out behind a woodshed and beaten severely for using the wrong fork for his salad. This caused him to develop a harsh view of God and God’s punishment and also caused him to… read more »

Cherub

Sometimes history plays cruel jokes. It is the sad fate of the Biblical figure of the cherub that history has confused it with the image of Cupid. Now, whenever people think of cherubs they think of young, chubby, infantile angels. This presents quite an image problem and identity crisis for actual cherubs. Cherub, by the… read more »

Small Group

In Christian circles, “Small Group” is the new, seeker-friendly phrase for “Bible Study” and allows Christians to tell people they are attending a religious function without sounding self-righteous or judgmental. While this re-branding may work in some instances, changing a word here and a phrase there can only do so much. If the Christian involved… read more »

Joel Osteen

When evaluating the complex question of whether or not lifeforms from other planets have landed on Earth and may, in fact, be residing on the planet disguised as one of the inhabitants of Earth, one must seriously consider the existence of Joel Osteen. There is something oddly un-human about the size of this man’s smile… read more »

Evil

In modern English we tend to think of evil as being some extreme nastiness that is only found in the worst of humans. In fact, many scholars debate whether or not this brand of evil even exists. Most people would call terrorism evil, but they debate whether or not lesser criminals should be defined in… read more »

“I’ll pray for you”

This phrase commonly used by Christians is best translated as follows: “Ummm… good luck with that.” or “Better you than me.” Ironically, despite the claims and possible intention to drop to one’s knees in prayer, the actual act of praying is never done. It is most certainly never done on the spot and while it… read more »

Church

Mention the word “church” in a group of people of differing backgrounds and one is likely to find several conflicting perspectives on the exact meaning of the word. As near as we can tell, The Church is all followers of Christ throughout all time, or the entire body of Christ throughout history. Though, the majority… read more »

Blessed

When Jesus of Nazareth walked this earth, he often spoke of people who were blessed. His list of those who were—or would be—blessed, included the meek, the poor in spirit and those who hunger and thirst for righteousness. Modern Christianity often despises these people, choosing instead to hijack the term Jesus bestowed on them for… read more »

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