For those who are unfamiliar with the concept of a hitchhiker’s guide, or who do not understand sarcasm, the primary purpose of this website is humor or parody. While the information here can and should be informative, it should also be taken with a rather large grain of salt.

    Should you find anything in this guide that you disagree with or in fact know to be false, please do remember the golden rule first laid out in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, “The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate.”

Pat Robertson

Pat Robertson sees God’s judgment behind every bush. This may be due to the fact that as a child, Robertson was taken out behind a woodshed and beaten severely for using the wrong fork for his salad. This caused him to develop a harsh view of God and God’s punishment and also caused him to swear of salads forever, in favor of a diet consisting mainly of bacon and potato products.

In Robertson’s worldview, abortion and homosexuality are responsible for every major hurricane and earthquake in the last 50 years, and he isn’t afraid to say this in the face of every natural disaster. While other Christians are busy trying to provide food, water, and clothing to those affected by tragedy, Robertson can be found on the set of his television show condemning sinners and putting the blame squarely on them for the tragedy.

Robertson is as much a devout Republican as he is a devout Christian, even going so far as to run for president in 1988. His plans to govern the country and set up a Christian theocracy in the United States failed, and America was instead treated to four years of George Bush followed by eight years of Bill Clinton, whom Robertson firmly believed should be impeached due to his lewd behavior and penchant for lying while in office.

Robertson seemingly has no problem with Donald Trump’s past lewd behavior and penchant for lying, but that is to be expected, as power and influence are of far greater importance to Robertson than actual conviction.

Jesus wept.

Photo by dno1967b


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