For those who are unfamiliar with the concept of a hitchhiker’s guide, or who do not understand sarcasm, the primary purpose of this website is humor or parody. While the information here can and should be informative, it should also be taken with a rather large grain of salt.

    Should you find anything in this guide that you disagree with or in fact know to be false, please do remember the golden rule first laid out in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, “The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate.”

Guide Entries


A paywall, sometimes called a pay meter, is a controversial measure taken by many publishers to attempt to collect money in exchange for the task of reporting the news and informing the public. This arcane idea that one’s labors should be rewarded with a payment of some kind is lost on many news consumers, who… read more »

Digital First

“Digital First” is a media philosophy wherein publishers push content onto the Internet immediately after the information is gathered, rather than waiting for a print or broadcast deadline. This approach favors new media over old media, much to the chagrin of most journalists, who tend to resist change for sport. Traditional journalists are not fans… read more »


In the 21st century, journalism is often defined by what it isn’t, rather than what it is. This is, sadly, the case for many professions that are not widely esteemed by the general public. Journalism is further complicated by the fact that there are more breeds and types of it than living creatures in a… read more »


Contrary to popular belief, this is not a clever way to insult a journalist. A newshole is a print term referring to the number of column-inches after advertisements that remains in the paper for news. Papers with a small newshole will be unable to print all of the day’s events, while papers with a large… read more »

Breaking News

“Breaking News” is by-far the most over-used term in all of professional journalism. Initially, this phrase meant either a story was “breaking” into a non-news broadcast due to its importance, or that the news organization reporting the story was the first to report it. The phrase connotes a sense of urgency and at first only… read more »


One would think the definition of news would be rather cut-and-dry. One who thinks that would also be quite wrong. The Oxford English Dictionary defines the word “news” as “newly received or noteworthy information, especially about recent events.” However, this is not nearly nuanced enough to encompass the ever-changing landscape of news. Prior to the… read more »


Reporters come in only two types. The first is a naive idealist who refuses to believe or acknowledge that there are any flaws in the institution of reporting the news. They are often shocked to find out that the news organization that employs them is actually a business, as they do not understand the very… read more »

The Press

Not to be confused with an actual printing press, the phrase “The Press” refers to reporters, editors and other journalists who report the news. Those who like to occupy their days disparaging “the media” probably intend to be disparaging “the press” but lack the historical context and vocabulary to disparage the proper group. The press… read more »

The Media

This is a broad and general term often used by detractors to sully the reputation of some news organization they do not fancy. It is largely taken to encompass the entire news business as a whole, but those using the term mean “All news sources except for the one or two that I get my… read more »