Disclaimer: Creating parody or satire related to Rick Perry is nearly impossible because this particular politician serves as a constant parody of himself. Just when one thinks he couldn’t possibly be any more ridiculous, he politely utters the phrase “Hold my ummm…. uh…. umm…. errr… oops!” and proves everybody wrong. Nevertheless, your friendly hitchhiking editors have made a failed attempt at creating satire out of a difficult target.
Rick Perry, despite his high-ranking positions and thick glasses is not by any means a smart man. The presidential candidate who once struggled to remember the names of the departments he was so adamant about eliminating from the federal government entirely, has now become a fossil fuel shill for the Trump administration.
Rick Perry loves oil. This of course is a requirement of all who live in Texas, but Mr. Perry has taken it to a new level. He recently claimed that oil can prevent sexual assault. While this is likely just a verbal slip-up, it likely originates from the fact that both oil and sex are always on his mind to the exclusion of all other things that probably ought to be on the mind of a high ranking cabinet official.
Prior to becoming the Trump administration’s representative of Big Oil, Perry served as governor of Texas. It should be noted that Texas has a habit of electing inarticulate people with questionable mental capacities to lead the state. This may be the reason Texas is no longer its own nation.